When I Lost Everything
by WhyNot41
Summary: My name was Clary Fray, now I am known as Clary Morgensetrn. Now, I know I am a Shadowhunter, and with the war we are fighting against my brother, I have had to lose this part of me yet again. My name is Clary, and this is the story of how I lost everything. (Clabastian/Clace)
1. When I Lost Everything

**_Summary:_ _My name was Clary Fray, now I am known as Clary Morgensetrn. Now, I know I am a Shadowhunter, and with the war we are fighting against my brother, I have had to lose this part of me yet again. My name is Clary, and this is the story of how I lost everything._**

 ** _Words: 2,414_**

 ** _Chapter 1 - If I Die Young_**

Growing up, I never really completely fit in. My mom and I lived in New Your City for as long as I could remember. I can't say I didn't like it or did. It was pretty natural. I always had my best friend, Simon. He and I met in kindergarten. I told him I likes his Star Wars lunch box, and we have been friends since. Everything seemed normal, but everything was anything but.

I didn't know how different I was until my father, Valentine, had come to take back his family. I didn't know he was my father. Mom had a picture of a soldier, and ivory hair in a box. She told me it belonged to Jonathan Fray, and that he was my father. She said he dies in a war when I was a baby, I of course believed her. When Valentine came back, my mother took a sleeping potion so he couldn't get any information out of her. I didn't know what was going on, and I was beginning to see things.

A boy, named Jace, had found me after I had seen him kill another boy with blue hair the night before. I didn't know that the boy was a demon, or that Jace, and the other two people he was with were demon hunters called Shadowhunter's. He found me in a coffee shop with Simon, but Simon couldn't see him there or the night before. I went outside to get some breath. I was beginning to think I was hallucinating. Jace was talking to me when mom had called me, she was panicking and I ran back to our apartment to get her. The apartment was destroyed and my mother was missing. A demon was there, and I was thankful Jace had followed me because he saved me from the demon. I tried to get to Luke, and that was the day I found out Luke was a former Shadowhunter, and was now a werewolf.

He took me hack to the Institute, and I met Hodge. He informed me I was a Shadowhunter like my mom once was. Alec and Isabelle Lightwood, along with Jace and Hodge, trained me to be a Shadowhunter, and taught me the history of Shadowhunter's. We discovered there was a block in my head and We went to the warlock who had put it there, Magnus Bane. Apparently he had been putting blocks in my head my whole life, at my moms command, to prevent me from seeing the shadow world.

Jace and I had kissed, but when Simon had walked out of my room from the infirmary, Jace thought we were together. It made the friendship harder. We both liked each other, too. We later discovered that Valentine was after a cup called the mortal cup, one of three mortal instruments, and he wanted to create a new race of Shadowhunter's. My mom had hidden it from him, and my new friends and I had to find it. I found it in paper, and when I pulled it out, that only made the mission more dangerous. Valentine was persistent in getting the cup. Hodge ended up giving it to him out of fear, and Hodge was a former follower of Valentines. Jace and Valentine fought each other over it, and Valentine tried to take me with him. He said he had my mom, and he also said Jace was my brother.

That news was horrible, but When all the pieces clicked together, there was nothing I could do. Jace said he still loved me, but I said he couldn't. I wasn't comfortable dating my brother. All things considered, I did still love him, though. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get mom back from Valentine, but that was only another part of my troubles. Simon had become a vampire. In another battle against Valentine, Jace had given Simon some of his blood. This blood made Simon a daylighter, meaning he could walk in the sun. No other vampire had this power, and that made him very valuable.

After the battle, we were told to got to Alicante for questioning. Jace refused to let me go with them, so he left without me. Filled with fury, I actually made a rune to allow me to teleport to the city of glass. Luke followed me, however, and we took shelter at his sister, Amatis' house. I managed to climb out a window, and enter the city. I went straight to where the Lightwood's and Jace were. The door was opened by Isabelle, and she was not happy to see me. I managed to get around her, but was stopped by a boy named Sebastian Varlac. Had I not met him in the way I had, I may have flirted with him like he did me. I eventually got upstairs to find another girl in Jace's arms, and it looked like they were making out. I was jealous and furious. I knew that I couldn't have him, but I didn't want anyone else to either. He told me I was weak, and I ran out the house. Sebastian followed me, and walked me back to Amatis' house. I told him that I was looking for a way to cure my mom, and he promised me he would help.

The next day, He rescued me from the house, and we rode horseback to a warlock's house. The warlock, however, was not the one we were looking for, but was Magnus pretending to be him. Sebastian didn't know him, but was furious that he wouldn't help me get back mom. Magnus froze him, and told me to look in a cooking book at the Wayland manor. Magnus unfroze Sebastian, and I took him there. We found it, and he even kissed me. It was when I kissed him back that I knew it was wrong, yet I still liked it. I stopped the kiss, and we rode back to town, but a battle had begun and the demon towers were not working. Mom had woken up, too.

Sebastian practically begged me to go with him, but Jace got jealous and wouldn't let me go. That was when Sebastian revealed to me that he was my brother, not Jace. In fury of me not going back with him, he killed Isabelle and Alec's younger brother, Max. Jace and I figured out that Valentine had gone back to Lake Lynn in attempt to create the new Shadowhunter race. Jace and I went to fight him, but he put a rune on me that made me immobile. He told me that Jace wasn't actually my brother, but he did raise him. Valentine had hilled his real father, Stephen Herondale. and Sebastian was really my brother. Jace fought him, but was killed. When the rune wore off, I fought Valentine, and I killed him. The Angel Raziel granted me one wish. I wished for Jace to come back, and he did. The same night, we got back together.

A few more months went by, and Jace was captured be Sebastian, but something wasn't right with him. Sebastian had placed a rune on him that would make him more loyal to him. It also made each of them feel what the other was feeling, and were telepathic. It allowed Sebastian to control his mind. I was offered a choice to either stay with Isabelle, or go with Sebastian and Jace. I chose to go with Sebastian and Jace to make sure he was safe. In those few weeks on us being together, Sebastian and I had gotten closer and began to trust each other more. I still knew what he was doing was wrong. He believed in the same things as our father, Valentine, but he believed demons were good too since he was half demon.

One night we were going to have a celebration, and he was going to have shadowhunter's, and human alike, drink from the mortal cup and be turned into had demon, half shadowhunter. I didn't like this, but he said I would drink from the cup too. Before Sebastian and I went to the ceremony to join Jace, who was preparing it, he gave me my mothers old dress, and when I put it on, I felt pretty. I guess Sebastian did too, because he kissed me and tried to rape me. Thankfully we had to go, so we went. Jace had felt the violence side of it, and when I told him what happened, he didn't care. My Jace would have cared, but this one was loyal to Sebastian. When the shadowhunter's showed up, I was given a heavenly knife. I stayed it into Jace's rune, which bound him to Sebastian, when we were fighting, and him and Sebastian lit on fire. Both survived, and the rune was broken. Sebastian escaped, but Jace and I were almost reunited. I say almost because the heavenly fire was in him, and we could't tough because we would burn.

The night we arrived at the institute, a note was put on the door saying He was coming back. It was Sebastian, and that's where we are now. the leaders of the Shadowhunter world, have decided to banish me from here. They believe I am too powerful, and Sebastian is too close to getting me. They think I'm a danger and a fish, so they are putting a block in my head. I protested as did my new family, but we failed. Magnus is about to put a block in my head that will cause me to forget everything I know about the Shadow world. I'm now saying my goodbyes.

"I'm going to miss you," says Alec hugging me.

"I'm oddly going to miss you, too." I say. "I know you and Magnus just broke up, and you may feel broken, but I know you'll find the perfect person for you. I know we didn't get along in the beginning, but we do now, and I need you to take care of everyone." I finish pulling out of the hug.

"Of course," he says running a hand through his black hair. Next was Isabelle.

"Clary, what am I going to do without you? I loved having another girl here, and I'm really going to miss you." She says through tears.

"You'll get through this, you always do. I want you to have this," I say pulling a necklace, with a silver wolf pennant on it, over my head, and putting it around hers. "Don't forget me, ever." I say hugging her one last time while crying.

"How could I?" She asks rhetorically through her own tears. The next person was Simon.

"You were my best friend." He says already crying.

"And you were mine." I say and hug him. "This isn't goodbye, I know it isn't, but don't tell the others. I don't thing they can handle false hope." I pull out of the hug, and grab Isabelle's hand, and put it in Simons. "Be strong together." I say, and Simon pulls her into a hug.

The last person in line is Jace. He sits in the hospital chair, and looks at the ground. I pull up his chin, but kneel down too. I look in his eyes, and I don't quite know what to say. I can tell he doesn't know what else to say either so he just kisses me goodbye.

"How am I going to survive without you?" He asks.

"You have before," I tell him.

"But not like this," he says.

"Clary, it's time." Says Magnus from the hospital room doorway. I look back at Jace getting up and tell him my last thought's.

"I love you, never forget that. Be brave, Jace. The first time is always the hardest." I let go of his hand, and when I enter the room, 223, I don't look back. I don't want their last image of me to be of me crying. I sit down in the bed, and I just cry.

"I'm so sorry, Clary. I didn't want to do this." Magnus says to me.

"I know." I say.

"I want you know that I always thought of you as my niece. I had never gotten a chance to watch someone grow up like I did with you. You were my family even is you didn't know it." These words only makes me cry harder.

"I always thought of you as mine too." I said.

"Thank you. I have to tell you something about this block. It won't be like the last on I put on you. It will fade quicker so I will see you every two months to renew it. You also should know that the sight of anything in the shadow world could kill you. There is nothing I could do about this." He says.

"Ok," is all I could say.

"Lay back, and think of happy thought's. We are doing this to save you, not torture you. This will keep you safe from Sebastian Morgenstern. That is the silver lining of this situation. Goodbye, Clary." he says and kisses the top of my head. He whispers an enchantment and circles his hands over my head and heart. Just as it was all about to leave, Jace come's in and holds my hand.

"Clary," he says.

"Jace," I say, then all goes black.

I could almost hear him say, "I love you, too."

 _Disclamer: I do not own "The Mortal Instruments", or it's characters. I am only using them for a little while, they actually being to Cassie Clare. I also do not own the song "If I Die Young", I just want my titles to come from song lyrics._


	2. But When It's Over

**_Summary: My name was Clary Fray, now I am known as Clary Morgensetrn. Now, I know I am a Shadowhunter, and with the war we are fighting against my brother, I have had to lose this part of me yet again. My name is Clary, and this is the story of how I lost everything._**

 ** _Words: 2,527_**

 ** _Chapter 2 - But When It's Over_**

I felt a force wake me up. I slowly opened my eyes, and light rushed into my brain. It took a few seconds before my eyes adjusted. I wasn't in my room like I expected. I was in a hospital bed, and hospital gown. I immediately started to panic. My phone and purse along with old cloths were sitting on the counter. How did I get here?

I man walks into the room who I assume is a doctor from the cloths he is wearing. He had black hair, but it has glitter all over it and pink blue and green dyed into it in random places. He looks at a clip board and then at a corner of a room. He gives it a sad look for some reason, then looks at me.

"Hi, my name is Magnus Bennet." he says and shakes my hand, but looks at his clip board. In his eyes I see some form of hope in them. There's a sparkle in them.

"Clary Fray," I say and he looks back at me. Any sparkle that was there is gone now.

"I see. Do you know why you're here?" He asks.

"No, I don't remember anything." I say."

"Well, you were apparently in a car crash." he says. "Where were you going?"

"I don't know Dr. Bennet. I don't remember anything." I say somewhat irritated from all the questions.

"Please call me Magnus. It will make you feel more comfortable with me." He says.

"Ok." I say.

"I see you don't remember anything. You have been unconscious for some time, seven days." He says, but doesn't seen shocked by it. "Did you dream of anything in that week?"

"Yes, actually," I say recalling the world of shadows that I dreamed about.

"Was it a good dream?" He asks.

"The best," I say, but not in a voice that would sound enthused. The funny thing about this dream is that it was so adventurous, but it was deadly. There were parts of my life that weren't in it, too. I bet mom took care of it though.

"I see. Well, you actually are a test subject, you are required to tell us about that dream, for future reference should it happen again." He says it as if it had another meaning. "Durring the next period of time, we are going to rent out an auditorium so you can tell me about it."

"Why do we need an auditorium?" I ask.

"You are going to sing about it, and preform if you wish." He says.

"Great," I say sarcastically. "I can't sing."

"Too bad, Clary dear. You and I are going to be good friends for awhile, so it's okay if you can't sing." he says.

"Ok," I say feeling defeated.

"First things first. We have a closet of any and all cloths, I hate to break it to you, but hospital gowns aren't your thing." He says with a playful smile.

He grabs my hand and practically pulls me out of bed. I get dragged to a closet marked cloths and he lets me in. Everything is organized by type of clothing, then by color. I walk around each. Under normal scrim stances i'd walk towards the t-shirts and jeans, but for some reason, something is pulling me to the dresses, not just the dresses but the black ones. I pull out one that is strapless, and probably goes down to my mid thigh. I walk back to the dressing room, and I put it on. I look in the mirror, and think something about wrongness of the dress is so right. It's skin tight, and has black lace on top of the already black fabric. Something was missing, though. I walk over to where the jewelry is, and I pick out a gold necklace with a highlighter blue crystal hanging from it. It goes down to just above my belly button. Then I walk over to the heals, and grab a pair of black boots. They have belt buckles on the heal, and two at the top. They aren't straight, and almost look like they are drooping. I step back and look in the mirror, and put my fiery hair back in a high ponytail.

"Some things never change." I hear from behind me and I see Magnus staring at me in awe. I almost felt like he wasn't talking to me, but who else would he have been talking to?

"What?" I say somewhat confused by his comment.

"Well, you used— never mind." He said.

"Ok then," I say. "What's next?"

"Is this what you'll be preforming in?" He asks.

"I guess so, where's my mom." I ask suddenly worried.

"She said she had to get something, and would be back later." he says. I feel relief knowing what she's going to get. "Now are you ready?" We walk into a huge auditorium, with empty chairs. Magnus sit's in one in the front row. I always imagined if I were on stage like this it would feel empty, but for some reason it feels full.

"I'm still slightly confused, so am I telling the story, or are you asking me questions and I'm answering them through song?" I ask.

"A little of both," he says. "First things first, tell me your view point of this world. Actually, tell me how you feel now that it's gone. You'll tell me your view point later."

"Ok," I say and walk over to the aux cord behind the curtains, and wake up the computer. I go on to youtube and search for the song I wanted in karaoke mode. Then, I walk on to the middle of the stage. Under a single spotlight. From the computer, I was under the impression that the light's would already go with what worked in the song. Then I begin the show.

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to see you smiling_

 _I know that I love you_

 _Oh baby why don't you see?_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to see you smiling_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to make you mine_

 _I know that I love you_

 _Oh baby why don't you see_

 _That all I ever wanted_

 _Was you and me_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to see you smiling_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to make you mine_

 _I know that I love you_

 _Oh baby why don't you see_

 _That all I ever wanted_

 _Was you and me_

 _I'm so alone_

 _Here on my own_

 _And I'm waiting for you to come_

 _I want to be a part of you_

 _Think of all the things we could do_

 _And every day_

 _You're in my head_

 _I want to have you in my bed_

 _You are the one_

 _You're in my eyes_

 _All I ever wanted in my life_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to see you smiling_

 _All I ever wanted_

 _Was to make you mine_

 _I know that I love you_

 _Oh baby why don't you see_

 _That all I ever wanted_

 _Was you and me (x3)_

"I thought you said you couldn't sing. That was amazing." Magnus says while clapping.

"Thanks. I never thought I could sing. I've never sung like that before." I say amazed with myself. I've never had a very good voice, but that wasn't awful. In fact, some may even say it was good. I was about to go walk over to the computer to put on the next song, but a voice stops me.

"Mommy!" I hear and see my little girl run down the aisles of the auditorium. Her hair is just as blonde as I remember, and is down. It flies behind her, and it looks like she has blue and pink feathers in her hair. She wears a simple black skirt and white top with black leggings and her cow girl boots. I've missed her so much, I hop off the stage, and she runs into my arms.

"Oh my, I've missed you so much, Kiara." I tell her. When you haven't seen your own daughter in a year, you can't help but release tears of joy.

"Mommy, I missed you too. Don't ever leave again." She says crying from happiness into my right shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere." I say. I'm not going anywhere and I'm never letting go of her again.

"Who's this?" Asks Magnus touching my back.

"This is my daughter, Kiara." I say pulling back from Kiara so she could see Magnus. "Kiara, this is my doctor Magnus."

"You have color's in your hair like me." She says.

"That's right, but I like glitter in mine." He says.

"I like glitter." She tells him. I watch the exchange closely. I think they like each other.

"We'll put some in your hair sometime." He says with a smile. Yup, they defiantly like each other.

"Ok," she says with a smile.

"Clary, did you ever tell your friends in the Shadow World about Kiara?" Magnus asks me.

"No. I even made sure mom, Luke, and Simon didn't tell anyone. She was my secret." I said while hugging her tighter.

"Why didn't you want to tell anyone about me, Mommy?" Kara asks.

"Because they would have taken you." I said.

"Well, more on this later. Your mom is telling us about a dream."

"Oh. Was it a good one?" She asks me.

"Yes and no. The worst dreams are always the best." I tell her.

"Ok, well, I call sitting next to Magnus!" She yells. I put her down, and she sit's into a chair right next to Magnus.

"Ok, Clary, Can you tell me about the clave?" he says once we're all settled.

—

For the next few hours I sing songs to tell the story of my time in the Shadow world. everything just happened, and everything was normal. I'm at the part of the story where we talk about my brother, Jonathan. For some reason Magnus's face has changed. He has had an expected look on his face as if he were there with me through out the entire performance. Now he is just confused.

Of course, who wouldn't be? I was secretly in love with my brother, and helped him plot against the world. Against my friends. Against my family.

 _It's hard, letting go_

 _I'm finally at peace, but it feels wrong_

 _Slowly, I'm getting up_

 _My hands and feet are weaker than before_

 _And you, are folded on the bed_

 _Where I rest my head_

 _There's nothing I can see_

 _Darkness becomes me_

 _But I'm already there_

 _I'm already there_

 _Where ever there is you_

 _I will be there too_

 _There's nothing that I'd take back_

 _But it's hard to say there's nothing I'd regret_

 _Cause when I sing, you shout_

 _I breath out loud, you bleed_

 _We crawl, like animals_

 _But when it's over_

 _I'm still awake_

 _A thousand silhouettes_

 _Dancing on my chest_

 _No matter where I sleep_

 _You are haunting me_

 _But I'm already there_

 _I'm already there_

 _Where ever there is you_

 _I will be there too_

 _But I'm already there_

 _I'm already there_

 _Where ever there is you_

 _I will be there too_

Once I finish the word too, a man, with a black mask on, grabs me and pull me into a slow dancing position. I can't tell much about him except that he has ivory colored hair, and obsidian eyes. We dance to the beat, and I can't find away to look away from him. We blend perfectly, and we put on a routine that was tight and more than just dancing. He had moves too. It was like we belonged together.

 _But I'm already there_

 _I'm already there_

 _Where ever there is you_

 _I will be there too_

At the end of the song, we hold the position for a few seconds. It felt like a millennium, but for me it wasn't long enough. When he let go, it felt like all the light in the world had vanished. I'm pulled out of the trance but a tug at my skirt.

"That was pretty. Who is that?" Kiara asks me. I bend down and pick her up.

"I don't know." I tell her and look at the boy. "Thank you." I say.

"It looked like you needed help." He said.

"Well, it's greatly appreciated. Where did you learn to dance?" I ask.

"I didn't. We just make a good team." He says. "I'm Sebastian." He says. As soon as Magnus hears this he jumps up, and runs to where we are.

"I'm Clary, this is Magnus." I say motioning to Magnus.

"Yes, I am. This is a private therapy session, I'll have to ask you to leave." He says as if he were protecting me from something.

"Magnus! Don't be rude. He just made the song more interesting. He was trying to help. What's gotten into you?" I say. He tries to slap Sebastian. But I stop his hand. "Enough!"

"You don't understand, Clary." He says.

"Is that so? Because, from where I'm standing, you're the one who tried to slap an innocent." I say defending Sebastian. Magnus grumpily walks back to his seat mumbling "innocent my ass."

"Sorry," I say to Sebastian.

"I'm used to it." He says brushing it off. He looks at Kiara. "Who is this?" he asks me.

"I'm Kiara." She tells him.

"Hi, Kiara, I'm Sebastian." He says. "Are you babysitting?" He asks me confused.

"No, she's actually my daughter." When I say this something drains from his face.

"You have a daughter?" He asks looking at Kiara.

"Not biologically, but yes. I've had her for the past 5 years." I tell him. Normally it's not recommended that you tell strangers personal information, but he was so easy to talk to.

 _Disclamer: I do not own "The Mortal Instruments", or it's characters. I am only using them for a little while, they actually belong to Cassie Clare. I also do not own the song "Silhouettes" or "All I Ever Wanted"; I just want my titles to come from song lyrics, and I thought it might make the story a little more fun_


End file.
